If you read last week’s newsletter, you know that while 70% of people will require care, only 16% have planned for it—a stat scarier than the price of a plane ticket. Perhaps you saw a recent podcast where Gray Monster founder discussed the systems of thinking involved in caregiving? Didn’t catch either? We’ll summarize. Most people will need a caregiver at some point in their adult life and caregiving is hard, like, really hard.
We unpacked Caregiving in the US 2025: Caring Across States, the latest report from AARP and National Alliance For Caregiving, and are sharing the deets. And to ensure the trip goes a little more smoothly, we checked-in with our favorite PhD family therapist and got directions on how to spot and avoid caregiver burnout and a caregiver crash out. Buckle up buttercup, neither are much of a vaca.
ICYMI (in case you missed it)
🪞 Caregiver.com’s latest Editor’s Pen reflects on what caregiving teaches us.
🎃 Motherly highlights how intergenerational Halloween events bring joy to kids and older adults.
📺 Gray Monster launched its very own game show. Who Cares? made its Instagram debut yesterday.
Caregiver Crash Out
If caregiving were a trip, no one would book the ticket. The itinerary keeps changing, the layovers are endless, and somehow, your carry-on is packed full of duties and emotions that exceed all baggage weight limits.
According to new research from AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving, nearly one in four adults in the U.S. is currently on this trip—caring for an older loved one while juggling work, family, and whatever’s left of a personal life. And the travel conditions? Rough. Nearly half of all caregivers are in what’s called high-intensity care, meaning they’re clocking 20+ hours a week managing meds, meals, appointments, and paperwork—most of it unpaid, unacknowledged, and often unsupported.
Depending on your zip code and that of your parents, caregiving can look like first class or basic economy. Some states offer support and paid leave; others hand you a boarding pass and wish you luck. The 2025 Caring Across States report found that access to help, financial aid, and respite care varies wildly, leaving many caregivers stuck in the middle seat.
Financial turbulence is common too. Many caregivers report cutting hours at work or dipping into savings to keep Mom or Dad afloat. And while most caregivers are employed, the majority don’t have jobs flexible enough to handle surprise “medical emergencies” that always seem to happen mid-meeting.
Caring for a parent isn’t just logistical, it’s emotional luggage. Every decision about medication, housing, or driving digs up a little family history. Old roles sneak back into the overhead compartment: the responsible one, the fixer, the rebel. You think you’re managing their care, but half the time you’re just unpacking and repacking the past. Literally, too—caregivers are the ones hauling Mom’s decades-old Samsonite, stuffed with memories, from one stop to the next.
Caregiving ever have you staring at the map, wondering where you missed the turn—and what exactly separates burnout from a full-on crash out? Think of crashing out as an externalized meltdown. You went to start your car, the battery is completely dead, and you’re suddenly banging on the dashboard, screaming at the AAA customer service bot. Burnout is less obvious and nearly silent. It’s the auto-pilot portion of caregiving, where you’re running on empty with exhaustion and apathy riding shotgun.
Signs You’ve Hit Travel Fatigue
You’ve missed your own check-ups but know every one of your Dad’s prescriptions.
Your patience has the lifespan of an airport coffee.
You dream of a flight delay, any excuse for a nap.
You keep telling yourself, “I’ll rest when things calm down,” but things never do.
You don’t enjoy what you used to.
Time for an Emergency Landing
Ask for a co-pilot. Delegate. When someone offers help, hand them a task, not a polite smile. Ignore the instinct to isolate.
Book a layover. Respite care—whether a few hours or a few days—exists for a reason. Use it.
Check your mental passport. If you’re at a breaking point or having dark thoughts, call 988. That line’s always open.
Find local coordinates. Your local Area Agency on Aging and AARP Caregiver Resources can guide you to support groups, respite programs, and financial help.
Pack snacks. Don’t ignore the big impact of small things. Remember to eat, listen to things that make you feel a little better, make time for sleep, and move your body.
Miss your flight? Let it go. Caregivers are people and people are allowed to have emotions, even heavy ones. Work on self forgiveness.
Next time you’re boarding a flight with more than four people, remember it’s likely one of them is caring for another adult. Go easy on them, share your armrest and recognize they’re likely carrying more than the luggage they stuffed in the overhead bin.
What’s Good
Helpful care-focused finds we’ve identified and researched so you don’t have to.
November is National Family Caregivers Month. It’s a month-long holiday with less candy than Halloween but a few treats all the same. The crew over at Caregiver Action Network has stocked the car with travel-friendly resources, easy-to-access tools, and education that actually helps.
Think of it as a pit stop for caregivers—perfect for anyone who knows most journeys go smoother when someone else takes the wheel now and then.
Parenting Parents
“My Dad told me that stopping by his nursing home made his whole day. Lots of feels.”
“Things are good right now and I feel both proud of my parents and terrified for when this ends.”
“I just want to have one week (or even one day) without parenting my parents.”
“Mom lost her phone, Dad broke his glass glasses and hearing aids - all within two days.”
“I'm feeling resentful, and in turn, also feeling guilty.”
“Dad only has a few weeks left and I've made my peace. Now, I'm cherishing each day.”
“Their house is filthy. Every surface is covered in something.”
