Maybe you know Ice Cube from the stack of CDs your mom “accidentally” threw out. Or maybe from his second act as Mariska Hargitay’s straight-faced sidekick on Law & Order: SVU. Either way, caregiving can often play out like its own TV drama.
When it comes to the legal side of aging, there are always stars of the show, supporting cast members, and a few bad actors. And Gray Monster’s seen every episode.
There’s the one where the adult son turned his dad’s checking account into his personal piggy bank. The one where a family law attorney doubled as an interior decorator for her disabled client. And of course, the two-part special featuring the estate planning attorney who ghosted adult children after they expressed concern over their very ill mom’s sudden estate plan rewrite, shortly after she met a new “friend” online.
We’ll probably need to make a sequel to this week's newsletter, but for now, we’re introducing a couple of the main characters: elder law and estate planning attorneys. We’re here to help you change the plot and write a better ending. And because we believe in ethical guidance (a real curse, we know), we floated this by the legal folks who insisted we remind you this isn’t legal advice.
ICYMI (in case you missed it)
🎶 Donna Jean Godchaux, singer and only female member of the Grateful Dead, has passed away at 77.
💰 The Social Security Administration announced a COLA benefit increase for 2026.
🌟 George Clooney reminisced about his 1980s guest spot on The Golden Girls in the upcoming 20/20 special airing Tuesday, 11/11.
Where There’s A Will, There’s A Way
If you’ve ever watched Mom lose her keys, debate who gets “the good casserole dish,” or insist she “doesn’t need a will because she’s not dying yet,” welcome to the latest binge-worthy legal saga. It’s not The Golden Girls reboot we asked for, but you’ll want the right co-star before the credits roll.
That co-star? A good attorney.
Didn’t know there’s a difference between lawyers and attorneys? Here’s the trailer:
A lawyer is anyone who has gone to law school and earned a law degree.
An attorney is a lawyer who’s passed the bar exam in their state and is licensed to practice law.
More complicated than it needs to be? Feels on-script to us. But before you cast someone from a Google ad or a highway billboard, let’s talk about the actors: estate planning attorneys and elder law attorneys and what you should look for before helping out.
Estate Planning Attorneys
Estate planning attorneys are the directors of Dad’s final seasons, making sure his assets, home, and Grandma’s ring don’t end up in the wrong spinoff. Anyone at any age can utilize an estate planning attorney, as their focus is what happens after life ends. Think probate avoidance (probate laws vary by state).
The good ones:
Review Dad’s full financial and family picture
Translate legal jargon into plain English
Draft powers of attorney and health care directives for key scenes
Keep his accounts and beneficiaries aligned with the storyline
Estate planning attorneys often work on either a flat-fee or hourly basis, depending on how complex Dad’s story is:
Flat-fee packages: Usually $1,000 – $3,000
(covers wills, trusts, powers of attorney, and basic planning)Hourly rates: $250 – $400+ per hour
(for complex estates, blended families, tax issues, or multiple properties)Free consults: Roughly 60% offer a complimentary 30- to 60-minute intro session
Elder Law Attorneys
Elder law attorneys make sure the story holds up as the characters age. They handle the Medicare, Medicaid, long-term care, guardianship, and housing changes. They focus on helping older adults navigate the issues that can sometimes occur with aging.
The good ones:
Plan for health and financial plot twists
Protect dignity and assets through the later seasons
Navigate Medicare, Medicaid, and other benefits
Keep housing transitions, benefits, care, and family decisions consistent from episode to episode
Elder law attorneys often deal with active issues, long-term care planning, Medicaid applications, and guardianships, so billing can vary:
Hourly rates: $200 – $450+ per hour
Flat-fee planning bundles: Usually $1,500 – $3,500
(for Medicaid eligibility reviews, care contracts, or advance directives)Medicaid application assistance: $3,000 – $10,000+, depending on state and complexity
Free or low-cost consultations: Often available through local Area Agencies on Aging or legal aid clinics if funds are tight
Some attorneys can do both as both can draft wills, trusts, advanced directives, and POA’s. Many charge flat rates for a la carte legal documentation options. However, once health, disability, or long-term care enter the plot, an elder law attorney becomes a series regular.
Mom lives in a small town or rural area? Oftentimes general licensed attorneys will support estate planning tasks in coordination with Certified Financial Planners (CFPs) or Certified Public Accounts (CPAs). Ask her friends and neighbors (ideally, the smart ones) who they recommend locally and why.
Want to know what to ask? Start here:
Ask This | Why It Matters |
What’s your specialty? | Estate Planning? Elder law? Or both? Some attorneys just write wills; others handle benefits, long-term care, and Medicaid. Ideally, you want someone fluent in both. |
Do you have specialized training or certifications? | Look for Certified Elder Law Attorney (CELA) status or membership in NAELA (National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys) or ACTEC (American College of Trust & Estate Counsel). Martindale-Hubbell for peer ratings and client reviews. Bonus points if they’re AV rated. |
How often do you update client plans? | Life changes fast. A good attorney reviews and refreshes your plan every few years, or whenever there’s a plot twist (new marriage, move, diagnosis). |
What’s your approach to family dynamics? | You’re not hiring a robot; you’re hiring a director. Ask how they navigate sibling tension, blended families, or uncooperative supporting cast members. |
How do you charge? | Flat fee? Hourly? Per-document? Transparency matters, no surprise guest appearances on your invoice. |
Do you coordinate with financial planners or CPAs? | Estate planning and elder law touch taxes, insurance, and investments. You want a team player who keeps the whole ensemble in sync. |
What’s one case you’re proud of? | Their answer reveals how they think, solve problems, and whether they care about people, or just a paycheck. |
Even the best attorney isn’t going to operate as Dad’s money monitor, it’s not realistic nor cost effective. They can’t track every move, remarriage, or “helpful” bank suggestion that sneaks into the plot. For some, that’s what professional trustees—or in extreme cases, court-appointed conservators—are for.
For everyone else, it’s usually when adult kids join the cast. Keep the script tight: update the plan, loop in Dad’s legal and financial co-stars, and you’ll (hopefully) avoid turning the final season into a legal whodunit.
What’s Good
Helpful care-focused finds we’ve identified and researched so you don’t have to.
In My Mother’s Money: A Guide to Financial Caregiving, award-winning MarketWatch columnist and financial expert Beth Pinsker, CFP, turns the chaos of end-of-life finances into a roadmap you’ll actually want to follow.
Drawing on her own experience caring for her mom, and insights from 100+ experts and family caregivers, Beth makes sense of everything from legal paperwork to long-term care math. A new release and caregiver must-read.
Parenting Parents
“My mom knows I’m familiar but can only communicate it by touching my face.”
“When they bring up random things said years ago.”
“Never knew I would spend so much time arguing with my 87 yo mom about drinking water.”
“Funny moment: Last week, my mom asked me if I'd like one of her memory pills.”
“It's tough when they don't accept help or advice and still see you as a child.”
“I'm trying to move with mom so I have more support. It's so hard and so expensive.”
