Every caregiving story has its own terrain, but caring for a veteran or military service member comes with its own map and its own language. As we head into Thanksgiving, a holiday built around honoring, gathering, and giving thanks, it’s worth spotlighting the millions of family caregivers whose daily acts of service stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the sacrifices their loved ones made in uniform.

Caring for a veteran or service member can look like anything from transportation and shopping to meal prep, personal care, or coordinating a full medical team. Some caregivers are checking in once a week; others are managing complex injuries, disabilities, or conditions like PTSD, dementia, or service-related illnesses. Every version counts. Every version is real. 

This week, we’re setting the table and serving resources for our veterans and those caring for them. Thank you all for your service. We’re so grateful.

🎧 Journalist Vanessa Grigoriadis took her interviewing skills to the podcast world with So Your Parents Are Old. Guests like Leeza Gibbons and comedian Lewis Black, Vanessa gets real about what it’s like to care for aging parents.

🎙️ The Diary of a CEO podcast hosted researcher, academic, and author, Brene Brown and she candidly discussed the intensity of caring for her mom who’d been living with dementia. She covers a lot but dives into care at 1:41.30 in.

✈️ An older couple was removed from a Delta flight after misplacing a passport, facing missing a trip-of-a-lifetime but the crew stepped up, located the passport, and the couple was welcomed back onboard. 

🎯 BridgeDetroit shines light on how caregivers and their care-recipients are navigating financial planning, legal documents, and conversations about long-term care.

AARP’s Veterans and Military Families Caregiver Guide lays out one important truth: good care starts with a conversation. Talking with your loved one about their wishes—health care, finances, living situation, safety, and future planning—sets the foundation. Veterans are used to structure, plans, and contingencies; inviting them into these discussions helps them maintain agency.

If your loved one isn’t enrolled in VA health care, Thanksgiving is as good a time as any to take that step. Enrollment is open year-round and completely free. Once enrolled, you may also qualify for caregiver support through the VA Caregiver Support Program, which offers training, respite options, peer mentoring, and—in certain cases—monthly stipends. You're a veteran over the age of 65 and you’ve got questions about how the VA and TRICARE work with Medicare? A previous Gray Monster newsletter breaks it down.

AARP highlights ten major areas caregivers should consider: finances, legal documents, abilities, health, social connection, housing, transportation, services, technology, and end-of-life planning. That may sound like a lot, but you don’t have to tackle everything alone or all at once.

Professionals such as financial advisers, elder law attorneys, neurologists, physical therapists, and social workers can help assess a family’s needs, and knowing where to look matters. If you’re assisting a veteran, consider getting an accredited representative. There are a few options, one is turning to a Veterans Service Organization (VSO): these nonprofit, accredited advocates offer free support with benefits, fiduciary responsibilities, and disability paperwork. Alternatively, an accredited attorney or claims agent can also provide representation, but they typically charge fees. 

And depending on eligibility, the VA can support with medical equipment, home health services, adult day programs, home modifications, therapies, and transportation. Local area agencies on aging can help with meal programs, home repairs, respite care, personal emergency response systems, and caregiver support groups specifically tailored to Veterans.

Military and veteran caregivers report more stress and health challenges than caregivers in civilian households. That’s why the VA Caregiver Support Program, Blue Star Families, the Elizabeth Dole Foundation’s Hidden Heroes community, and AARP’s caregiving tools are options for connection and support. 

This Thanksgiving, as you navigate family dynamics, turkey logistics, and maybe even a VA phone tree or two, remember: support exists. Benefits exist. And like caregiving, navigating them may be challenging at times, but they’re worth it. 

If you need a place to start, try:

Helpful care-focused finds we’ve identified and researched so you don’t have to. 

Wounded Warriors Family Support is an independent nonprofit helping families of service members wounded, injured, or killed in combat. 

Through their Caregiver Respite Program, WWFS offers short-term relief care for families of veterans—giving caregivers time to rest, recover, and return to their role with renewed strength.

You said it

“Even at 91, my dad still has the best sense of humor”

“Cared for my 80 year old mom who got diagnosed with ALS. It was heartbreaking yet beautiful.”

“Caring for my mom feels like the absolute right thing & also completely wrong.”

“Lost Dad this week after 6 months in hospice…”

“Mom gained 25 lbs in memory care in under 3 months and now has back issues?!?”

“The confusion of memories... putting two different memories into one.”

“My mom doesn't want to do anything that's good for her. I don't understand it.”