Good to see you again. Guess you already knew you weren’t mom’s favorite child. It’s cool, we’re not either.  

We joke a lot about parents living in your basement (can’t promise we’ll stop). This week we dive into what a conversation with mom and dad moving in may actually entail. And no, it doesn't involve booze…but we’re not ruling it out either.

Mary Swanson gave Llyod Christmas a generous 1 in 1,000,000 chance of the two of them ending up together in the 1994 cult classic, Dumb and Dumber. The odds your parents will want or need to move in with you are slightly more favorable. Last year, it was estimated that approximately 10% of adults aged 65 and older will cohabitate with their adult children. This is referred to as the “reverse boomerang effect”. Boomerang, as in the second most popular Australian export. The Hemsworth brothers clearly being the first.   

A reverse boomerang refers to the phenomenon where older adults, aka baby boomers, move into the homes of their adult children, basically reversing the typical pattern of children leaving home to live independently. Declining health, rising costs of living, and changing family dynamics can all be attributed to the reverse boomerang effect. 

When conversations with our own parents and their plans for aging went over as well as politics at the Christmas dinner table, we quickly found ourselves over our skis. So, we did what most adults do, we tried to find a solution on Amazon. And we think we came close. 

Cameron Huddleston’s book, ‘Mom and Dad, We Need to Talk: How to Have Essential Conversations with Your Parents About Their Finances’ made the uncomfortable talk about money easier-ish for all. While the title virtually sums it up, Huddleston’s candor and actionable advice make her book a worthwhile read. Sharing her experience with her own mother and offering conversation starters and strategies to jumpstart discussions in a meaningful manner, Huddleston delivers an honest, direct take on navigating an uncomfortable topic. She advises talking early and talking often, and not waiting for an emergency to take action. 

Of course, we all know an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure but this isn’t easy stuff. Generationally speaking, we know boomers are less likely to discuss finances as they view it as a personal matter. Huddleston understands this and suggests calling for backup by way of trusted advisors and experts. She gets specific on the documents needed to support your loved ones as they age and is efficient in her explanations. Huddleston’s perspective on identifying what your parents' wishes may be and aligning on a plan to honor them, is especially impactful as agency while aging is a core tenant for most Americans.  

We know aging doesn’t always come with a Hollywood-like ending. Unlike Llyod and Mary, we want a happily ever after for the challenging conversations that occur when aging. And while the thought of moving mom in or providing financial support as she ages sounds scary, at least you’re not getting robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart.🧓     

Here’s what’s in our Audible library and on our nightstand this week. 

📚 We’re not crying, you’re crying. We didn’t plan on Cadet Carey Mahoney giving us all the feels but Steve Guttenberg’s memoir Time to Thank has done just that. A touching, yet humorous, story highlighting the emotional complexity and profound gratification caregiving can bring. Tissue sold separately.  

Released over a decade ago, Dr. Atul Gawande’s book Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End, has moved to the top of our “re-read” list. Socializing end-of-life can be a powerful antidote to the fear associated with it. It wasn’t Dr. Gawande who taught us that “people die only once” but he delivered the reminder that “they have no experience to draw on” when doing so. Beautifully and simply written, we suggest buying two copies - one for you and one for your parents.