Starting to feel like we talk a lot about the legal impact your mom and dad getting old has on your life? Well, we do. Because it’s kinda a big deal. And look, we’re fully aware that the concept of relinquishing control over one's biggest life decisions is a scary thought, but we always advise you to do what we do, consult a licensed, trusted attorney before inking any legal documents.

Remember that girl in college who took the best notes? And her penmanship (yes, we went to college before everyone had a laptop) was so perfect you could easily see what she wrote? We’re like that girl. We listened when the teacher attorney spoke, hit up the office hours for additional clarification, and aced the test. Think of the below as our notes, not legal guidance. 

They totally make us say that.

It was the 1960’s. Making their way across the Atlantic, England's largest export, The Beatles, were beginning their U.S. invasion. Out on the West Coast, a couple of brothers, a cousin, and their friend, known now as The Beach Boys, were introducing the world to surf rock. Woodstock would round out the decade with a culture-shifting event that forever changed the generation. 

Your parents were revolting. From music to peaceful student protests, to the civil rights movement, your mom and dad shaped the world we know today by fighting the The Establishment. They introduced “Power to the People” to the world. Wikipedia defines the origin of the phrase “during the 1960s in the United States, young people began speaking and writing this phrase as a form of rebellion against what they perceived as oppression by the older generation”. Kind of ironic, right? 

It’s not lost on us that the injustice once felt by our parents, is eerily familiar to the feeling we experience as we attempt to support those who once fought for a voice of their own as they age. And history repeats itself. But it doesn’t have to. 

Many have seen this movie before. It’s a normal Tuesday, and you get a call that your seemingly healthy, fiercely independent dad is in immediate need of help. WTF happened? He seemed like he’d been doing well, even after your mom passed away a couple of years ago. You’re suddenly on the next plane home and he’s in the hospital. While you’re trying to identify what happened, the nurses want to know if you have a power of attorney (POA) so they can speak openly with you. The details are fuzzy, you’re scared, and everyone feels helpless. Much like the records of his youth, your dad now finds himself scratched up, cracked, and maybe even lost.

Your Uber or the cousin you haven’t seen in far too long takes you immediately from the airport to the hospital. Before you can even get all the details, the hospital staff wants to know if your dad has a power of attorney, a healthcare power of attorney, an advanced healthcare directive, and/or a DNR. Not what you want to focus on, but you don’t have a choice. 

The hospital administrator wants to know about his health insurance and his ability to pay the bill he’s racking up while in intensive care. And let’s say you and dad made some headway on organizing his important information last Christmas so you have a copy of his Medicare and supplemental insurance card, but that’s as far as you got. The hospital will want to know who has authority to sign financial responsibility papers on his behalf. Dad is unconscious, his medical prognosis for recovery is unknown, and the hospital will want to ensure they’ll be paid for care rendered. 

On top of this, the doctor wants to know who has authority to make medical decisions for him. The doctor asks whether it is ok to keep your dad on life support. Currently, he is hooked up to a ventilator and on intravenous fluids. The doctor doesn’t know if your dad will wake up and even if he does, whether he will be able to communicate and take nourishment.  

This movie feels more like a horror film. One that will be much less scary if you, your siblings if you’ve got ‘em, and dad discussed the fact he needs a durable financial power of attorney, a healthcare power of attorney, an advanced healthcare directive, and maybe even a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate). Without these, your dad needs to understand that if the worst happens, you and your sister will likely be forced to hire an attorney at considerable expense to file with the court a Petition for Guardianship and Conservatorship asking that one or both of you be appointed as his Guardian and Conservator. This takes time.

So, what is a durable power of attorney, a healthcare power of attorney, an advanced healthcare directive, and a DNR? 

Durable Power of Attorney: Legal document that gives someone the authority to make decisions for you when you are no longer able to.

Healthcare Power of Attorney: Another legal document that lets you name someone to make medical decisions for you if you can't.

Advanced Healthcare Directive: Yet one more legal document that specifies how you want medical decisions made if you can't make them for yourself.

DNR: You guessed it, one more legal document. This one is a medical order that instructs healthcare providers not to perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) if a patient's heart or breathing stops. 

Again, we’re the smart kids in class, but each state has different requirements for the proper signing and witnessing of these documents, and the specific language that is required. Make sure you talk with a licensed attorney in the state your dad lives in, ensuring the information is accurate. 

Let’s say dad gets it and wants to avoid the above scenario. When he makes that attorney appointment, these are just a few of the things he needs to discuss.

Financial power of attorney:

Heads up, the above scenario refers to a single parent, as in, not married. While still incredibly important, if your parents are still married to one another or you have a step-parent, hospitals typically defer to them for the initial POA questions. But be prepared to jump in if you are still listed as the healthcare POA, as that grants you decision authority. Which can bring up a whole slew of additional issues. More on that later.   

As told by a younger brother of an older sister.

We’re over a week into March. We’re springing forward and raising a glass for Women’s History Month. Yesterday was International Women’s Day and we’re celebrating by politely reminding your loving but ”sorry, missed the text” brother that there’s a broader gap to close when it comes to caregiving: