Is it time to talk assisted living? Yeah, we went there. Jumped right in. Caught the House of Pain lyric in the subject line? I thought we went to high school together. And if not, no worries, you’re still invited to the party. Moving Mom into independent or assisted living is a big deal, and no one hands you a script. So we wrote one. Here's what to ask before the packing tape comes out.

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You’ve been noticing a few things. The fridge is full, but nothing’s fresh. The mail’s piling up. Mom’s forgotten her meds - again. You’re not overreacting. You’re not ungrateful. You’re just doing the math: safety, independence, dignity, and what this all looks like six months from now.

Enter the Big Decision: Moving out and into a residential care facility. 

Assuming you’ve spoken with your mom about moving to a more supportive living situation, and she’s on board, time to do what we all do when faced with life changes - hit the internet. But before you start Googling floor plans or comparing facilities with suspiciously perfect reviews, take a breath. What you really need right now are the right questions - the kind that get you past brochures and into what life will actually feel like for mom.

Here’s your Q&A starter kit:

1. “What’s the assessment process like?”
Many independent and assisted living facilities require cognitive tests to determine what care and environment best align with her needs. Think of it as senior living’s version of the SAT. It may bring up the same level of emotions for mom too. Prepare her and yourself before sharpening the pencils. 

2. “What does a good day look like here?”
This cuts through the sales pitch. Are residents just… parked? Or is there real engagement - art, movement, impromptu happy hours, things that feel like living, not just existing?

3. “How do you handle the not-so-good days?”
Ask how they respond when someone’s having a rough time - physically, emotionally, cognitively. Compassion shows in the messy moments.

4. “How much flexibility is there?”
Are meals served on a schedule, or can mom grab soup at 2 p.m. if she’s peckish? Are outings rigid or optional? You want freedom with support, not a glorified boarding school.

5. “What’s the real cost—and what changes it?”
Because sticker shock is real. What’s included, what’s extra, and what happens when more care is needed?

6. “Can we talk to a resident family?”
This isn’t a Karen-move. We’re talking about the woman who raised you. Staff will always say it's great. But chatting with someone whose mother actually lives there? That's gold.

7. “Do you offer benefit transition support?”
Mom moving out of state? Ensure her medical records and Medicare supplemental coverage goes too. Don’t forget about VA aid, long-term care insurance, and Medicaid. Facilities that help navigate this stuff will save you time, money, and some colorful language. 

And one more: Ask Mom what she wants. Not just what she needs. This move is about more than care - it’s about identity, autonomy, and belonging.

Yes, it’s a lot. Yes, it’s emotional. But asking the right questions now spares you scrambling later. This isn't just about choosing a place. It’s about choosing how your mom gets to keep being herself.

You’ve got this. And so does she.

Helpful care enablement products we’ve identified and researched so you don’t have to. 

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Like most technical advancements, they come with a price tag, around $200. But Mother’s Day is around the corner and your brother said he’d Venmo you for half. Might be worth it for a walk to the fridge that doesn’t require Mom bracing for impact.