Us again. While we don’t want to be the folks who fill your inbox with uncomfortable topics, we do want to be the people who address some of the heavier parts of life with candor and levity. It’s our belief that supporting aging parents can be one of those parts. Preamble aside, consider this your trigger warning - today, we dive into what happens if your parent passes away without a will or legal documents in place to help you lay them peacefully to rest.    

Overwhelmed by the feedback from last week, we felt it best to further share insight on what you should know about the legal stuff that comes with a parent passing away. 

How soon is too soon to crack a joke about death? According to some research, you simply shouldn’t. The University of Colorado at Boulder claims 36 days. Many experts believe there is no timeline and humor is a mature copying mechanism. We tend to lean towards the latter, and so did your dad.

You know the drill - the legal eagles make us say this. The information contained in this article is general in nature and may not be relied upon as legal advice. The laws of probate in every state are different. For detailed answers to your personal circumstances contact a competent probate attorney licensed to practice law in the state of the decedent’s residence.

It happened. Your dad just passed away, only two years after your mom, and while navigating the range of emotions, this time feels different, and you somehow need to plan his funeral arrangements. You’ve searched his home and anywhere else you can think of, and while you’ve located 17 pairs of reading glasses and all your high school yearbooks, his Last Will and Testament is nowhere to be found. What next?

First, deal with the funeral arrangements. The will is not necessary in order to take care of the funeral. Perhaps you will need to open an estate for your dad, but this can wait until after dad is laid to rest. Did you find any documentation indicating your dad bought a pre-paid funeral plan? If so, call the funeral home listed in the paperwork and start the process. You may be thinking of cremation, since it is cheaper, but is that what your dad wanted? 

Only child? Decide how you want to proceed. Some believe funerals are for the living. Be kind to yourself - whatever you decide will be the right decision. Got siblings? Do your best to save the arguing for later (or really do your best and don’t fight at all). Everyone grieves at different paces and in different ways and you’ll need them as you mourn. If easiest, keep the emotions at bay by focusing on logistics. 

Let’s say dad didn’t have a prepaid funeral or any plans. You may be wondering, “How did I not know funerals were so expensive?” or “How do I pay for this thing?”. Maybe you have a power of attorney (POA) for your father, and you wonder, “Can I write a check from dad’s checking account to pay the funeral home?”. The short  answer is no. Your authority under the POA your dad signed terminated at the time of his death. Many funeral homes will give you 30 days to pay, and that should give you time to open an estate and obtain authority as personal representative of his estate to the funds in his checking account or other investments to pay for the funeral. If the funeral home won’t wait, then you can personally pay for it and get reimbursed later by the estate.

However, if your dad’s checking account is titled in both his name and your name, the money in that joint account becomes yours as of his date of death, and you can use those funds immediately. You may need to go to the bank and provide a death certificate. Worth noting, be mindful about setting up a joint checking account with your pops in order to have immediate access to funds to pay for the funeral. This may be fine if you are the only surviving child. It may be less popular if you have siblings. You can see where we’re going with this one.

Back to the problem with finding the will. Assuming you have checked everywhere in the house, figure out if your dad had an attorney. If he did - contact them. If your dad’s attorney prepared a will, there is a chance they may have the original stored in their office, or they have a record of where your dad took it for safekeeping. Still coming up empty? Check if your dad has a safety deposit box at his bank. Accessing it may be a different story. This is NOT the time to channel your inner Brad Pitt and go all Ocean’s Eleven on the bank. It’s never as easy as it looks in the movies anyway.

If you cannot find the will, given the complexity of your dad’s estate, you may consider hiring  an attorney who can file the necessary papers with the court to file for probate.  This will enable the Clerk of Court to issue what are called Letters of Testamentary or Letters of Appointment naming you as the personal representative of his estate. Hiring an attorney isn’t required. If you’d prefer to move forward without one or simply cannot afford to hire someone, talk with the courts in the county your dad passed. There may be free resources available to you.

Since you don’t have the will, this means your dad died intestate (WTF is Intestate). This is not the end of the world. It does not mean your dad’s assets pass to the state where he lived. It just means the intestacy laws of the state where your dad lived determines who inherits the assets of his estate. Oftentimes, this will be the same as what his will would have said. You can still open an estate, and you can still get appointed as the personal representative of his estate. Again, you should consider hiring an attorney to do this.

We’ll try and make the hard stuff less difficult. Watch for future content about how to determine whether a court supervised estate for a decedent is necessary; how to find a good probate attorney; what information you need to bring to the attorney; the responsibilities of the estate personal representative; the probate process; what to do if you have step siblings or step parents; and other boring, but sometimes necessary, matters.

🧍vs 🧑‍🤝‍🧑You talk, we listen (unlike your younger brother). Only children represented last week, many sharing they are tired from the weight of caregiving for aging parents resting solely on their shoulders. Some of those not flying solo seem to be blessed with the naïveté that their sibling will put on the superhero cape when it comes to helping mom and dad. Whichever camp you are in, here are 10 Common Caregiving Tasks that you’ll need to either divvy up or outsource (more on calling in a pinch hitter in coming weeks).  And for those cape crusaders, be weary of going it alone.  

🏈 Today, the Chiefs square off against the Eagles in Super Bowl LIX… which is 59 for those of us who can’t get past 10 in roman numerals. Not only will Chiefs QB, Patrick Mahomes, have his newborn 4 week old daughter in attendance, his grandfather is “hanging on” in hospice to watch his grandson’s attempt at a three-peat. And we thought we were just watching for T Swift sightings and the commercials.