Carrie Underwood may not have been singing about talking to your dad about his driving, but she’s got a point. Some conversations require backup. Enter us.

Before you grab the keys, hit the brakes. If you don’t, it may be more than his fender that ends up bent out of shape. This week, we’re breaking down how to have the driving talk without turning it into a demolition derby.

🎬 Seth and Lauren Rogen made a 38-minute documentary about navigating Lauren's mother's Alzheimer's. Taking Care is streaming now.

👨‍⚕️ Dr. Howard Tucker practiced medicine from 1947 until two months before he died at 103, officially making him the oldest doctor ever.

🎭 La MaMa in NYC is staging Memory Generation (May 2–10), an interactive theater piece set inside a memory café — a creative social space designed specifically for people living with dementia and their caregivers.

💬 12 expert-backed tips for talking to someone with dementia. Worth bookmarking.

Your dad may have taught you how to parallel park, merge without panicking, and scream-sing The Eagles down Ventura Highway. Now the script has flipped, and you’re trying to understand how a shrub “came out of nowhere” on his last trip to Home Depot.

By 2030, more than 70 million Americans will be 65 or older, and most of them will still have a license in their wallet. According to AAA and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration somewhere around 85 to 90 percent of older adults are expected to be licensed to drive.

Your dad is probably one of them. And there’s a good chance your pops will outlive his safe driving years by 7 to 10 years, which means “driving retirement” needs to be part of the plan, right next to his 401(k) and the Medicare folder.

Fatal crash rates per mile begin to rise noticeably starting at age 70-74, but that increase is largely due to older adults' physical vulnerability in a crash, not their tendency to cause one. The rate of fatalities per capita among older drivers has actually decreased 47% since 1975. Still, motor-vehicle deaths involving drivers and road users 65 and older increased slightly in 2023 to 9,587, and over the last decade that number is up 40% — tracking closely with a 28% rise in the older adult population itself. 

Feeling lost already? We gotchu.

Here’s how to start the conversation when Dad still has insight and the risk is not immediate. But if there have been repeated crashes, pedal confusion, getting lost on familiar routes, or a dementia diagnosis, skip the gentle ride-along. Do not wait for the annual physical. Loop in his medical team now.

Step 1: Do your homework.

Ride with him. Now’s not the time to play junior driver's ed instructor. Keep the convo light, buckle up, and just go. You’re looking for patterns. Keep your eyes peeled for new dents, getting lost on familiar routes, trouble with left turns or lane changes, mixing up the pedals, or anxiety after driving. You’ll need your mental notes for step two. 

Step 2: Check what can be fixed. 

Is Dad heading to the doctor soon? Message the office before the visit with specific observations. Ask for a functional safety evaluation, not a permission slip to take the keys. Not every driving concern means "never drive again”. Aim for assessment not ambush. 

Medication side effects, early cognitive decline, slower reaction time, untreated cataracts, hearing loss, sleep issues, Parkinson’s, and/or neuropathy can show up behind the wheel before they show up elsewhere. 

Step 3: Lead with limits. 

Consider getting dad to agree to no night driving, no highways, no bad weather, familiar routes only, grocery delivery, reassessing often. Introduce alternative forms of transportation for further trips, allowing Dad to keep his autonomy and independence.  

Got the type of parent who isn’t always truthful with their adult offspring? Clue in a neighbor or two to help keep a watchful eye. The goal is safety for all, that includes keeping local trees and mailboxes where they belong. 

Step 4: Get the low-down on the law. 

Sometimes “this could put your legacy at risk” goes further than “you’re a terrible driver”. Elder law attorneys can give guidance on: 

Step 5: Understand DMV options.

Most states allow family members, physicians, or law enforcement to report serious safety concerns to the DMV for medical review. Consider this your last resort. Nobody wants Sunday supper to begin with, “good news, I reported you to the state.”

That can trigger:

A majority of states have some version of “aging driver” rules, and 37 states plus D.C. have specific provisions for older drivers: things like shorter renewal periods, in-person renewals, vision testing, medical review, or road testing. There is no national “senior driving law.”

Step 6: Plan, and then plan some more. 

Stopping driving is linked to depression, anxiety, and poorer mental health, outcomes that worsen without social connection and available transportation. Dad still needs groceries, haircuts, church, the pharmacy, and the basic human right to leave the house because he feels like it. Line up the infrastructure before the conversation:

Pro tips:

Frame the convo appropriately and respectfully. Phrases like “Let’s talk about ways to keep your independence” and “what would make driving feel safer for you” will land better than “I’m taking your keys”. Aging doesn’t immediately equate to bad driving. 

Ask yourself: 

You can’t fail this one. Answers and another quiz drop next week.

You said it. This week’s submissions.

"My mom and college-aged son share edibles."

"As lonely as it can be, it's good to know I'm not the only one going through this."

"Dad's personality is shifting and it's so hard to see."

"I started tracking the number of good days vs bad days."

"My dad's new girlfriend is younger than my little sister."