America's founding fathers were famously into independence. And so are we. Which makes this a big weekend for both of us. To keep the white coats at a distance, we consulted our favorite one. We asked geriatrician Dr. Ellie Fishbein what your dad should be asking his doctor to hang onto his freedom a bit longer.

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Most of the men who signed the Declaration of Independence were in their 30s and 40s. The oldest, Benjamin Franklin, was 70 and still thinking about the future. When asked for the top ten independence-maintaining questions patients should ask their doc, Dr. Fishbein overachieved and gave us thirteen. Coincidentally, that’s the same number of stars on the first American flag. 

She noted these questions aren't just for geriatricians. They work whether you're protecting your own independence or your dad's. Bring them to any primary care doc.

1. "Would you watch my dad stand up and walk, and tell us how he's doing?"

There's a test called the Timed Up and Go, where a doctor watches him stand from a chair and walk. Pushing hard off the armrests means lower body strength is slipping, and his gait says a lot about fall risk and overall health. 

Any doctor should be happy to watch. If he seems even a little unsteady, ask for a physical therapy referral. In Dr. Fishbein's words: "Everyone should feel as confident as they can moving through the world."

2. "Could we go through his medications and supplements together?"

The full list, at least once a year, and yes, that includes the fish oil and whatever the guy at his gym recommended. Doctors can catch interactions, lower doses that no longer suit aging kidneys, and swap old drugs for newer, safer ones. The dose that was right for Dad twenty years ago isn't automatically right now. Ask what can come off entirely.

3. "What would you need to see before you'd tell him it's time to stop driving?"

Note the framing. You're asking for the criteria before it's an emergency, not during one, and you're asking the doctor to own the call.

Doctors don't see your dad drive. You do. They rely on what family reports: trouble merging, backing into things, fender benders. If you've noticed something, say it, gently and in front of him. There's a middle ground too: an occupational therapy driving assessment evaluates his actual skills and sometimes recommends limits, like daylight only, instead of taking the keys. Not every city has this and insurance doesn't always cover it, but it's worth learning more about before you trade Dad’s whip for a Waymo.

​​4. "Could his hearing or vision be changing how he lives without him realizing it?"

The TV is louder and "what?" has become his most-used word. It’s rearranged how he engages with the world, and he'll likely be the last to notice. Hearing tests are covered by insurance. Hearing aids mostly aren't, but Costco and Sam's Club sell good ones for less. Even if he refuses the aids (he might), knowing where he stands helps the whole family communicate better. Vision checks: yearly, minimum.

5. "Could you check his memory?"

The Medicare wellness exam is supposed to include a cognition check every year. Often it doesn't happen. Dr. Fishbein swears by the Mini-Cog: three words to recall, one clock to draw, three minutes total. A normal score can reassure you both. An abnormal one means deeper testing, which is exactly what you want to catch early. 

6. "Are there changes he could make at home to stay safe and independent?"

Ask for an occupational therapy referral for a home safety assessment. An OT visits the house, sometimes virtually, and flags the throw rugs, the slick bathroom floor, the spot where a grab bar is needed. Usually one visit does it, and it lands differently coming from a professional than from you. Dr. Fishbein's pitch: safety-maxxing. It’s the Boomer version of GenZ’s looksmaxxing. 

7. "Is he keeping up the muscle he needs, and how does he hold onto it?"

After 30, we all lose roughly 3 to 5 percent of our muscle per decade, closer to 8 percent between 65 and 80. Muscle = independence. It's what gets him off the toilet and up the stairs.

The formula is protein plus resistance training, together. Her baseline: about one gram of protein per kilogram of body weight, more if he's building. She says the goal isn't getting his body back to where it was, it’s staying strong and safe as he ages.

8. "Would you be able to tell if Dad were feeling depressed?"

Depression looks different in older adults. Less classic sadness, more apathy, more physical symptoms. There's also something called demoralization, an existential response to loss after loss after loss, and it doesn't always show up on a standard screening questionnaire. Medicare requires depression screening at the annual wellness exam, but asking the question invites conversation instead of a checkbox.

9. "How much am I allowed to know, and what can't you share unless he says it's okay?"

Ask this one in front of him. His doctor won't breach confidentiality without a safety concern and Dad decides who's involved. Heads up: if he brings you to appointments, doctors generally read that as a green light to talk openly.

Dr. Fishbein’s guidance isn’t to have one big three-hour sit-down. She suggests shorter conversations, sprinkled over years. Start with preferences and big-picture wishes, which let Dad talk about hard scenarios without disclosing his health details. She recommends prepareforyourcare.org as a starting point.

10. "What's most likely to threaten his independence down the road, and can we get ahead of it now?"

Or, bluntly: "What in his health history worries you most, and what should we manage aggressively?"

Geriatricians typically ask themselves what's most likely to cause trouble in the next ten years, and use the intel to shape Dad’s screenings and prescriptions. Dr. Fishbein says it's fine to ask them about it directly. "We're always thinking about life, and we're always thinking about death." Most primary care doctors will engage too, and a geriatrics referral is always an option if Dad wants to go deeper.

11. "Is he due for a Medicare Wellness Exam?"

You may have noticed how many of these questions loop back to this one appointment. It's free for Medicare beneficiaries 65 and up, it happens annually, and it's designed for future planning. If you can't remember Dad’s last one, that’s probably a sign to hit the physician phone tree and get it on the books.

12. "Should we be treating his loneliness like a health issue?"

Isolation raises the risk of nearly everything above: falls, depression, and cognitive decline. The Surgeon General has compared lacking social connection to smoking up to fifteen cigarettes a day, and men your dad's age are especially prone to letting friendships expire. His doctor can't prescribe pals, but talking about options like senior centers, community programs, and companionship helps keep the blues at bay. Independence doesn’t mean alone. 

13. "Can I have a hug?"

Dr. Fishbein shared what she wishes patients would ask more often, "more people should ask me for a hug. I love when that happens. People are the best part."

We couldn’t agree with the good doc more. People really are the best part. 

You can’t fail this one. Answers and another quiz drop next week.

You said it. This week’s submissions.

"Mom was happy with her Uber driver and was not rude this time."

"Next up: a very nervous 80 year old father with memory challenges getting cataract surgery."

"My mom's in the hospital and my brothers finally understand what I've been dealing with everyday."

"Dad dropped a subtle f-bomb when he dropped his coat on the ground leaving the restaurant." 

"My brother finally called to check in a week after Mom fell. He said he was busy."