Assuming you actually made the flight and didn’t get left behind, it’s likely you’ll see your mom or dad this holiday season, and the reunion may even involve the home you grew up in. 

Somewhere between wondering how you ever actually slept in a twin size bed and why you decided NKOTB posters made for chic interior design, you may be thinking of the Kevin McCallister-style booby traps that seem to be everywhere. Unlike the holiday film, the concerns are less about Joe Pesci breaking in and more focused on how to keep mom from tripping on the rug she’s had since you were in the 5th grade.

You know she can’t stay in her home forever, and you also know bringing that up won’t be easy. So, we asked the pros and packed this week’s newsletter with the guidance you need to start the downsizing conversation.

🇺🇸 88-year-old retired veteran Ed Bambas, who cared for his wife until her passing, was forced to return to work due to the high cost of her care. Moved by his service to his country and spouse, Bambas received $1.7 million in donations after his story went viral, finally allowing him to retire. 

⚕️ Mom or dad need to make Medicare coverage changes? Open enrollment ends today.

🫂 Thoughtfully designed caregiving cheat sheets, engaged community, and a help registry — The Sandwich Club is a go-to for support for all kinds. Their newsletter highlights helpful resources, like us.  

🏃‍♂️ New research from Texas A&M University suggests that just 20 minutes of exercise twice a week may help slow dementia’s progression in older adults.

Between the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade or the Black Friday commercials, you may have seen Macaulay Culkin starring in a Home Alone reboot of sorts. The fridge is full of expired food, all the plants are nearly dead, and the mail pile seems to be the only thing growing. Whatever it is, a lot of adult children have the same realization around this time: the house you grew up in may no longer be the home your parents can comfortably manage. 

Like our favorite Christmas classic, the holidays are nostalgic, emotional, and slightly chaotic — prime conditions for noticing things you’d rather ignore until January. Downsizing feels heavy because it’s weighted with memories. But approaching it doesn’t have to turn the season into a showdown. We did the research and asked the experts over at Downsizable (emphasis on the able) and got guidance on how to talk to Mom about moving more manageable. 

Didn’t know you could actually hire someone to help you help your mom downsize? It’s totally a thing and, for a fee (Downsizable estimates most clients spend between $8k - $15k), the company you choose can do nearly everything. From prepping, to packing and unpacking, it’s a service that's price varies depending on circumstances. 

Assuming there isn’t an immediate pressing need to relocate, Downsizable co-founder Blair Hammond shared that families can expect the entire process, from first convo to final box unpacked, to take anywhere from a few months to 2 years. Composure regained, we asked Blair to start at the beginning. Step one she says, respectfully approach the topic, and never use the “j word” (junk):  

1. Start with curiosity, not conclusions.
Swap “You can’t keep living here” for “How are you feeling about taking care of the house these days?” It’s the emotional equivalent of not rigging a paint-can trap — gentler and far less likely to knock anyone out.

2. Use what you’ve observed, kindly.
Stick to what you’ve noticed. “The stairs looked tiring this year” lands better than “You obviously can’t do this anymore.” Have her friends all relocated off the block? Inquire if she’d like to be closer to them again.

3. Make it a family brainstorm, not an intervention.
Interventions belong on Lifetime. Brainstorms feel collaborative. “Let’s explore some options in January” invites partnership, not panic.

4. Ask about preferences early.
What would she want if the house became too much? Less maintenance? More community? Closer to friends and family? Centering her choices keeps the conversation grounded in agency, not anxiety.

5. Keep the first talk short.
There will be sequels to this movie. Plant the seed, water lightly, walk away.

Much like the act of downsizing, fitting all the info about how best to help your mom through the process into one newsletter is like overstuffing a box. We’ve got part two teed up where we unpack how to physically begin (there’s actually a room you should NEVER start with), how to lead with legacy, and best practices for not making Mom (or you) miserable. Stay tuned.

Helpful care-focused finds we’ve identified and researched so you don’t have to. 

Didn’t know there are experts for helping your parents downsize and want to find one near Dad? Check out the National Association of Senior and Speciality Move Managers. For free, you can plug in Dad’s zip code and browse local pros who can step in before you throw your back out. 

The actual services will come with a cost, but having a trusted place to start the search? Priceless.

“I think the hardest part was working full time yet wanting and needing to care for my dad.”

“My mom is sooo negative about the holidays! Downright Grinchy!”

“Meds had Dad sedated. I fought for a change and he's slowly coming back... small victory!”

“Last year I was parenting my dad. This year I'm not. But the love is still here, alive and well.”

“It's hard to take Dad seriously when everything is 'utterly miserable' to him”

“The amount of bickering between my parents ramps up around the holidays.”