Help. The four-letter word that’s okay to say.
Some days, caregiving feels like a three-ring circus with you as the ringleader and asking for backup is the trickiest act of all. Burnout isn’t proof of strength; it’s a red flag. This week, we’re showing you how to ask for help (and actually get it), what to do when you don’t, and why your well-being has to stay on the checklist too.
Spoiler alert: we didn’t whiteboard this one ourselves. We sought guidance from our favorite PhD family therapist. Said differently, we asked for help.
ICYMI (in case you missed it)
🌎 September is World Alzheimer’s Month, and highlights the urgent need to support caregivers, raise awareness, and push for stronger dementia care worldwide.
💞 NFL legend Michael Irvin shared the emotional journey of caring for his wife, who has early-onset Alzheimer’s.
📈 A new analysis from the D-CARE clinical trial shows caregivers report significantly higher satisfaction when dementia care is managed via structured system-level programs, whether health care-based or community-based, versus routine care.
Help!
Caregiving has a way of turning into a one-person show. You’re juggling meds, meals, moods, and mail, while everyone else in the family swears they’d “totally help if they lived closer.” It’s exhausting, and yet, asking for help can feel harder than the actual caregiving. What if they say no? What if they think you’re not managing? What if they ghost you?
Here’s the truth: you need support. And saying it out loud is not weakness. You don’t need us to remind you that care partner burnout is very real, impacting nearly 60% of those providing care. Unsure where to start? We gotchu.
How to Actually Ask for Help
Start small. Practice with a low-stakes ask. Try something concrete: 'Can you please drop soup and salad by Monday, between 5–7 p.m.?' That’s not selfish and most people are relieved to have a clear way to show up.
Be clear and specific. “Can you please drive Mom to her cardiology appointment on Thursday at 10 a.m.?” lands better than “I need some help with Mom this week.”
Prescribe, don’t hint. People can’t read your mind. You’re not being bossy; you’re giving them a job they can actually say yes to.
Know your worth. Caregiving isn’t a one-way street where your needs get erased. You deserve support—period.
Don’t hold onto what others can handle. If your adult sibling can order groceries or pay bills online, let them. Your bandwidth is for things only you can do.
Okay, so you finally did it, and…you were told no. Perhaps you expected it or maybe you were surprised by the answer. While it may feel like yet another thing to do, understanding where the no comes from may help maintain a relationship and possibly even strengthen it.
Why People Say No
Sometimes, the refusal has nothing to do with you. They might not understand what caregiving really demands. They might feel guilty, overwhelmed, or unsure how to actually help. Resistance doesn’t always equal rejection, it’s just data you can work with.
If you ask and the answer is no:
Pivot. Try a different request, a smaller task, or a new approach.
Plan B. Keep backup resources handy, whether that’s paid help, community programs, or respite services. A “no” doesn’t change your need, just who you ask.
Find your people. If family isn’t stepping up, lean into caregiver groups, local services, or even a friend who can’t fix things but will listen. Sometimes emotional support is the lifeline.
The Burnout Barometer
Pay attention to yourself. If you’re hitting your ceiling, snapping more often, skipping your own health appointments or running on fumes, time to call for backup. Support isn’t optional, it’s survival.
Asking for help is messy, imperfect, and sometimes disappointing. But every time you name your needs, you’re reinforcing something essential, that your well-being matters too. And even if the help you pictured doesn’t show up, other forms of support exist. Don’t stop looking for them.
The Eldercare Locator from the Administration for Community Living provides details on respite care resources and support programs in your neighborhood. And because we really don’t want you going at it alone, we pulled together a care partner starter pack, complete with tech recs and actionable guidance.
What’s Good
Helpful care-focused finds we’ve identified and researched so you don’t have to.
Evergreen Commons Resource Hub is a no-fluff, one-stop platform for older adults and care partners. Whether you're looking for caregiver tips, Medicare deets, or in home care guides, these folks have you covered. Drop by the Resource Hub for help that actually helps. Added bonus - it’s free.
