Look, we love a tap dancing centenarian as much as the next gal. A couple that just celebrated their 75th wedding anniversary? Hallmark could never. And don’t even get us started on all silver-haired best friend meet cute videos. But aging isn’t always what you see in the movies or on your IG feed. 

Plagued with loneliness and loss, often coupled with illness and disease, getting older can be downright terrifying. A reality that even the famous and successful can’t fully escape. At best, you and your parents are one of the lucky few who age with their cognitive abilities, health intact, passing peacefully in a slumber. At worst, your passing and the events leading up to it become global news. Somewhere in between are the countless ways aging makes way for death.

This past week it was reported that it’s likely Gene Hackman had been unknowingly living with his wife, Betsy Arakawa’s deceased body for upwards of a week. Like you, we too wish peace for those who loved them both and mourn their passing. 

We’d be remiss to not try and learn from Arakawa and Hackman’s loss. As Dr. Ellie, known on IG as @geriatricsinreallife points out, their passing highlights the vulnerability of older adults and caregivers. Dr. Ellie takes it a step further by sharing suggestions on how to ensure this same scenario doesn’t play out in your own family. There’s a saying going ‘round the internet that to have a village, you must first be a good villager. Go ahead and consider us part of your digital village as we took the good doctor’s advice and did some research. 

Let’s play this out. You are an only child who’s solely responsible for your parents as they age. Maybe you’re a sibling who only talks with one parent. Perhaps you’ve got a family group chat that’s lit up daily. Or you might be the child who manages it all. This is nuanced as responsibility for a parent means something different for nearly everyone and that’s okay. But let’s say you’re the kind of person who wants to make certain that should your mom or dad fall, wander off, or catch ill, you want to know immediately. The below are options for those who don’t already connect with their living parents daily, or may need additional support.

🧑‍🤝‍🧑Build a support network. Mom still living at home and not ready for a caregiver or can’t afford one? Get to know her neighbors. If you don’t live in the same city or state, write a letter, share your contact information, and ask them to please let you know if something seems off. Know a friend of hers she regularly speaks with? Get their info, contact them, and ask them to do the same. We’re not buying the “I don’t know how to get in touch” excuse. We know you looked up the new wife of a guy you connected once with on Hinge but never actually met. You’ve Zillowed their home and combed through their wedding registry from two summers back. Do your thing, Nancy Drew. 

Live in the same town as your grade school BFF’s parents and she’s 2,000 miles away? Join her village and let her know you’re available to help should she need you.

📱Automate action. Would a daily check-in help you sleep soundly? If things have progressed a bit and a daily text is preferred, there’s automated check-in options. Some free, many paid - but the price of reassurance is low when considering the alternatives. WellCheck offers international services for parents and children living countries apart. 

🛜Tech it out. Smarten up - her home. Push aside the dystopian thoughts and install devices to more easily check on mom. Of course, Amazon is in the mix with Alexa Emergency Assist. At around $6/month, mom can ask Alexa to call for help should she need it and is aware enough to know it. Mom not feeling a LifeAlert bracelet? The Apple Watch offers fall detection capabilities on later models. Too much tech for her? Check out Lively - they have a number of devices for those digitally challenged.   

🫶Be care aware. Care about the caregiver. Some news outlets report that Arakawa had been caregiving for her husband, who was over 30 years her senior, alone. If you’re there, you’ve been there, or you’re getting there, you know how hard it is. Check in on those who are helping those you love. Be a good villager.

TikTok’s latest celebrity is 70-something, author Anne Abel. Known for her candor, smarts, and style, she made internet waves this past week when she shared why she had trepidation around her children having children in a since deleted video. Just when you thought the internet couldn’t get more divided, Anne handed us her proverbial beer. 

Former TV host Wendy Williams called into The View in a public plea to end her conservatorship. In February of 2023, Williams was diagnosed with primary progressive aphasia (PPA) and frontotemporal dementia (FTD). FTD sound familiar? Sadly, it may be because another Hollywood star, Bruce Willis, was also diagnosed in recent years.