Guess what? You opened an email about grief which is not the most easy task in a culture that would much rather talk about, say, Punxsutawney Phil and whether or not we’re headed for six more weeks of winter. As difficult as it can be to face this topic head-on, you’re doing it. Gold star, you. And even if grief isn’t a “good thing” (as Queen Martha would say), there are ways to make it better. Good-er, if you will. 

Maybe you were an anxiety-riddled child who pondered their parents’ mortality over bowls of Cap’n Crunch. Maybe you’ve been blissfully ignoring the inevitability of their death and are just now wondering, “Wait, did mom say she wants her ashes scattered at Yosemite or Disneyland?” or “Dad would totally want to be buried next to his third wife, right?” 

No worries. We’ll figure this out together.

Whether your parent passes away unexpectedly or they’ve been battling a long illness, the death of a parent can feel like you're in a daze. A tidal wave of emotions can hit – sadness, anger, maybe even some guilt. And despite this rollercoaster, there are tasks that need to get done. Take a deep breath and enlist your brother for help. Honestly, he hasn’t been doing enough. 

First of all, there is no official timeline with grief. It’s highly personal and that’s okay. Maybe for the first month you’re a total mess and on an emotional rollercoaster - one minute you're crying, the next you might feel strangely numb. You may even feel eerily fine, then months later - seemingly out of nowhere - sadness hits. 

In those early days, especially, it can be hard to focus, and your only solace may be found in an entire box of mochi donuts. Or hiking in the woods and listening to your father-daughter dance song on repeat while wailing. These are highly specific examples and grief is a judgment-free zone, remember?  

You might feel super lonely, even when people are trying to be there for you. It’s okay if your instinct is to cut off society and become a forest hermit — because that's where WiFi comes in. Listening to podcasts about grief is one of our favorite ways to feel connected to others who have gone through this crappy yet unavoidable experience. Anderson Cooper has a great one. Never expected Andy Cohen’s BFF and our favorite drunken NYE host to bring us comfort, but here we are. Even if interacting with humans IRL feels like the last thing you want to do, hearing others’ stories can be a reminder that you’re not the first and you’re certainly not alone.

Years later, grief can feel like a quiet ache, like a shadow that doesn’t leave you, you simply notice it at random times. You might think of your parent more around holidays or birthdays, or maybe something will trigger a memory – a smell, a place – hearing Dancing in the Dark at the grocery store and laughing as you remember your dad’s sick Bruce Springsteen impression (and then promptly crying because you miss him — all normal!).

You may feel a sense of peace and acceptance, and also notice that the sadness never quite goes away. Grief stays with you, but, like an annoying roommate, you learn to just live with it. You get stronger and move forward because, well, you have to. When you feel the ache, it’s ok to pause and acknowledge it. You’re gonna be ok, maybe even good, even if it doesn’t feel that way.

💊 It only took the pharmaceutical industry and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) two and a half decades to identify a non-addictive, non-opioid pain reliever. Recovering from injury or surgery is hard enough without worrying about mom or dad getting hooked on the meds prescribed during recovery. 

📺 “Honey, my clicker is broken.” Mom calling about how the TV won’t work got you feeling like Groundhog Day? We’re digging the remote caregiving solution from JublieeTV. It does almost everything you need to remotely help and connect with your parents. Easy to install and use, it’ll save you and Xfinity some time and you won’t get a survey after the call.