Two things are certain in life: death and taxes. And both will cost you. Before we get to the dollars, we’re making sense of what happens immediately after your Dad passes away.

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We asked Caroline Schrank, a Licensed Funeral Director at Down To Earth Funerals and founder of Ripple, a death support platform, what actually happens after someone dies and why she’s looped in.

At its most basic, a funeral director takes custody of the body, helps complete the required paperwork and coordinates whatever comes next, whether that is burial, cremation, or a service.

PSA: The power of attorney you used while Dad was alive generally ends when he dies. Who has authority afterward depends on state law and whatever documents Dad signed before his death. In some states, certain health care directives allow Dad to name someone who can make decisions about his body, funeral and disposition after he dies. California, for example, allows a health care agent to direct the disposition of remains unless the document limits that authority.

A funeral director helps the legally authorized person carry out those decisions. They do not inherit Dad’s decision-making power.

If Dad dies at home

What happens next depends on whether the death was expected. If Dad is receiving hospice care, call hospice first, not 911. The hospice team will tell you what to do, arrange for someone to pronounce the death and let you know when to contact the funeral home.

If the death is unexpected, call 911. Emergency responders will determine whether Dad’s physician can certify the death or whether the medical examiner or coroner needs to become involved. That does not automatically mean anyone suspects foul play.

If Dad dies in a hospital

The hospital will pronounce the death and eventually move him to the hospital morgue. Once the family has selected a funeral home, the funeral home will usually arrange to transport him from the hospital.

If you want to see Dad before he is moved, ask the hospital to keep him in the room until you arrive, if possible. They may not be able to accommodate the request, but Caroline recommends speaking up. Once Dad has been moved to the morgue, your next opportunity to see him may be at the funeral home.

If Dad dies in assisted living or a nursing home

The facility will follow its own process for pronouncing the death and contacting the funeral home selected by the family.

Ask ahead of time:

It’s also worth knowing that Dad may not need to be moved immediately. Families often assume the funeral home must arrive the moment someone dies. That is not always true.

Depending on state and local rules, you may be able to spend time with Dad at home before the funeral director arrives. Caroline told us about a family that washed their father’s face, invited relatives over, and said goodbye at home. The funeral home came later that evening.

That will not feel right for everyone. Some families will want the funeral home to come quickly, which is also entirely reasonable. The point is not that Dad should remain at home after he dies, it’s that you may have a choice. Ask whether he must be moved immediately, whether the family can have more time with him, and what the law requires where he lives.

“Required” does not always mean required by law. Something may be required by law, required by that funeral home, required by a cemetery, recommended by the funeral director or simply offered as an option. Embalming is one example. Federal law does not require embalming, although state or local rules may apply in limited circumstances, and an individual funeral home may require it for certain arrangements.

Caroline advises that the worst time to plan a funeral is when someone dies. She’s not suggesting Dad choose his urn over Sunday brunch. But a few answers now can spare your family added stress later.

While Dad is still alive, get clear on the following:

Not sure what he wants? Hello Mortal’s Disposition Quiz can help him sort out what fits. 

When Dad does pass away, make the right first call, and ask for the time you need. Find out what is actually required. The emergency already happened. You do not have to create another one.

Next week: Funeral 201: what funerals cost, what you can decline, and why setting a budget does not mean you loved Dad any less.

You can’t fail this one. Answers and another quiz drop next week.

You said it. This week’s submissions.

"My dad saying 'you're good at what you do.'"

"It took more time for me to let go of the guilt, a tiny bit."

"Seeing my parents celebrating small wins and being agreeable to planning ahead."

"Mom hung up on me twice this morning then called me later asking for money and a laptop. This is hard."

"We signed a lease to rent the townhouse next door so my mom can be close to us. Sooo nervous."

"Mom and I went out to dinner and she treated. She said I shouldn't have to cook every night."