If you’re heading home for Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or the highly underrated “I found a cheap flight in December” season, there’s a good chance you’ll also be doing the annual wellness check on your aging parents, whether you mean to or not.
According to Dr. Ellie Fishbein, an almost pediatrician turned geriatrician, IG influencer, and improv enthusiast, these holiday reunions can come with surprises. If you only see your parents once or twice a year, the changes can feel… abrupt. Or confusing. Or like you accidentally walked into the wrong house.
So, what should adult children actually look for, and how do you talk about it without turning Christmas dinner into an episode of the Grinch? Dr. Ellie breaks it down below.
A young Dr. Ellie with her late, and much loved, Uncle Jim
ICYMI (in case you missed it)
🥪 People reports that Whitney Port is embracing her role in the “sandwich generation”.
🎅 Home Instead has kicked off its 2025 “Be a Santa to a Senior” program (BASTAS), delivering gifts and holiday cheer to older adults who might otherwise spend the season alone.
🧠 The Alzheimer’s Association reports that the ASAP Act, bipartisan legislation introduced in the House, aims to expand early Alzheimer’s and dementia screening.
🎥 In a new Good Morning America interview, Chris Hemsworth opens up about his father’s early-stage Alzheimer’s and the conversations they share in A Road Trip to Remember.
A Very Geri Holiday
Goodish news: Everyone forgets names, loses their train of thought, and walks into a room with zero memory of why they went there. Annoying, yes. Automatic dementia, no.
We spoke with Dr. Ellie Fishbein, Assistant Professor of Medicine in Geriatrics at Washington University School of Medicine, and got the scoop on what to look for when heading home for some holiday cheer with Mom and Dad.
Decking the halls while keeping an eye out for red flags? Dr. Ellie recommends paying attention to:
Unintentional weight loss.
Medication bottles that clearly haven’t been touched in months.
Finances slipping. Look for bills unpaid, scary notices, foreclosure warnings.
Safety clues. Keep an eye out for dents on the car, bruises Mom “doesn’t remember,” or staircases that are carpeted in liability.
Friends and neighbors are often the first to raise the alarm. If the guy down the street who Dad complains mows his lawn too early discretely pulls you aside, listen. “These are the higher-level tasks that really rely on executive function,” she says. “That’s where decline tends to show up first.”
The holidays are emotional enough. No one needs a surprise cognitive evaluation over stuffing. Her rule: Pick a moment where everyone’s calm and regulated and make sure it’s nowhere near a steering wheel.
Approach from curiosity, not accusation: “I’m noticing a few things, and I care about you. I want you to stay well. If there’s anything you want help with, or you’d like me to join a doctor’s call, I’m here.” Dr. Ellie often utilizes the principle of dialectical behavioral therapy in her practice. Even with perfect delivery, someone might still get prickly. That’s normal. Humans have emotions; adult children have baggage; parents have pride.
Wondering how sibling relationships fit in? According to Dr. Ellie, family patterns don’t magically transform just because it’s the holidays. And yes, “the farther a sibling lives from the affected parent, the higher the opinions they tend to hold.” Set boundaries, divide tasks, and accept there will be things you sort out later, preferably with a therapist or a very patient partner she advises.
Dr. Ellie’s improv background shows up in her caregiving philosophy: multiple truths can coexist. You can both:
Love your parent and not have the bandwidth to fix everything in a four-day visit.
Be scared by what you’re seeing and resist the urge to catastrophize.
She shares that some days we have bandwidth for growth and big conversations; other days we’re in pure survival mode. It’s okay to say, “I can’t hold all of this right now,” and loop in a sibling, neighbor, or doctor instead.
When families notice decline, she sees a familiar pattern: catastrophizing. Everything feels huge because there isn’t a plan yet. Once the next steps are clearer—a medical workup, a follow-up, a safety adjustment—the same situation suddenly feels more manageable.
Want to feel like you’re accomplishing something other than overeating and binge watching Hallmark movies? Two practical tools Dr. Ellie leans on to help families support Mom:
Proxy access to the patient portal (like MyChart) so doctors can communicate with both the parent and the adult child—with Mom’s permission, of course.
Medical power of attorney (POA), which she calls essential. It doesn’t erase Mom’s autonomy. It simply designates who speaks for her when she’s too ill or too confused to speak for herself. Think of it as a surrogate voice, not a takeover bid.
Dr. Ellie’s holiday wish for families? Easy travel, no major medical surprises, and a double helping of patience for everyone involved.
What’s Good
Helpful care-focused finds we’ve identified and researched so you don’t have to.
We got tired of shaking it so we unwrapped this weeks’ What’s Good when Dr. Ellie gifted it to us. Traveling with Dad this holiday season and need a little extra support? She recommends TSA Cares for free assistance navigating security screening lines.
While we can’t promise the guy in front of you won’t forget he’s got a pocket full of keys and loose change, we’re pretty certain Dad won’t be forced to check his medically necessary liquids with TSA Cares.
Parenting Parents
“Even though her memory is slipping, my mom still makes the best pumpkin pie.”
“Dad decides to fill his pill organizer for the week after a few margaritas?!?”
“Showing up to take them to appointments and they are still in their pajamas.”
“Dad got released from the hospital today. Before I made it to his nursing home, he'd already fallen out of bed and had new skin tears.”
“I'm an only child and my dad passed away. My mom has Alzheimer's and I recently moved her into assisted living. To cope, I wrote a musical about it all.”
“Mom rarely seems concerned with how I'm doing, but has no issue trying to make me feel guilty.”
